Sounds like a hardcore sex act, in reality it’s a lot worse…
Until last night I was unaware of the term negging. In fact, I didn’t even know it was a thing until it had happened to me. And when I shared my experience with a few female friends, I was upset to find that some of them had experienced the same thing.
A low-grade insult meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. (Urban dictionary:2009)
Negging is one of the tactics used by the writer of the infamous (in my opinion) “The Game” a book that offers tips and advice to the everyday Joe Bloggs on how to pick up women. As previously mentioned it works on the idea that by handing a woman a backhanded compliment it will undermine her confidence and make her work for your validation.
The neg I received in question?
“Even though you’re boggle eyed, I would still smash you” He looked at me and smiled, clearly waiting for a response.
Nice. I stood there for a couple of seconds trying to work out what had just happened. A complete stranger had just approached me, insulted my appearance and then expected me to respond. If we look at this act on a deeper level, it’s actually quite sinister. The idea that someone should have to prove their validation to a complete stranger is stupid, and the fact that men are being encouraged to dent a woman’s self esteem just low enough so she will think you are her only option is abusive.
The book claims that negging suggests to a woman that he is a man who has confidence and does not care what she thinks. In my mind bringing someone down has never suggested confidence, but screams insecurity and that’s not hot. Like the old saying goes
“What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than it does of Sally”
Except in this case the Susie in question is a Steve.
It worries me more, that this might actually work on some girls. If it does, you haven’t bagged yourself a strong, confident woman. You’ve bagged yourself someone who has extremely low self-esteem.
As for the arsehole who negged me; I don’t have boggle eyes, they’re actually one of my best features. They’re big and almond shaped and for that one negative comment I could probably give you a hundred more that state the opposite. Seeking your validation is not something I need. I feel validated in myself. I have loving friend and family, a good education, a promising career, money in the bank, savings to fall back on and nice things I’ve worked hard for. I’d shave my head before going out with a guy who thought a good way to get into my knickers was by insulting me.
In all honesty if I’d had a drink in my hand I would have thrown it at his crotch and then mocked him for looking like he’d pissed himself.