Tag Archives: single life

Why we Should Say NO to Negging

Sounds like a hardcore sex act, in reality it’s a lot worse…

Until last night I was unaware of the term negging. In fact, I didn’t even know it was a thing until it had happened to me. And when I shared my experience with a few female friends, I was upset to find that some of them had experienced the same thing.
Negging
verb;
A low-grade insult meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. (Urban dictionary:2009)

Arseholes

Arseholes

 

Sounds delightful.

Negging is one of the tactics used by the writer of the infamous (in my opinion) “The Game” a book that offers tips and advice to the everyday Joe Bloggs on how to pick up women. As previously mentioned it works on the idea that by handing a woman a backhanded compliment it will undermine her confidence and make her work for your validation.

The neg I received in question?
“Even though you’re boggle eyed, I would still smash you” He looked at me and smiled, clearly waiting for a response.
Nice. I stood there for a couple of seconds trying to work out what had just happened. A complete stranger had just approached me, insulted my appearance and then expected me to respond. If we look at this act on a deeper level, it’s actually quite sinister. The idea that someone should have to prove their validation to a complete stranger is stupid, and the fact that men are being encouraged to dent a woman’s self esteem just low enough so she will think you are her only option is abusive.

The book claims that negging suggests to a woman that he is a man who has confidence and does not care what she thinks. In my mind bringing someone down has never suggested confidence, but screams insecurity and that’s not hot. Like the old saying goes
“What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than it does of Sally”
Except in this case the Susie in question is a Steve.

It worries me more, that this might actually work on some girls. If it does, you haven’t bagged yourself a strong, confident woman. You’ve bagged yourself someone who has extremely low self-esteem.

As for the arsehole who negged me; I don’t have boggle eyes, they’re actually one of my best features. They’re big and almond shaped and for that one negative comment I could probably give you a hundred more that state the opposite. Seeking your validation is not something I need. I feel validated in myself. I have loving friend and family, a good education, a promising career, money in the bank, savings to fall back on and nice things I’ve worked hard for. I’d shave my head before going out with a guy who thought a good way to get into my knickers was by insulting me.

In all honesty if I’d had a drink in my hand I would have thrown it at his crotch and then mocked him for looking like he’d pissed himself.

 

 

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The Dreaded Plus One

plus one
Summer is coming. This means one thing- wedding season. Yes the sun comes out and everybody gets married. Now, don’t get me wrong I love weddings; the excuse to buy a new dress, shoes, bag… etc, the free food and drink. I think if I ever get married, it will be one massive excuse for a festival themed party with hay bales and a candy floss machine (Yes I have planned my wedding. Yes it will be festival themed. No I haven’t found anyone brave enough to marry me)
However , there is one aspect of these lovely celebrations that are starting to become more and more of a problem. The plus one- or lack of. I had an invitation drop through my letter box about six months ago; it was from my cousin and his fiancé inviting me to his wedding along with a plus one. A plus one?! I hadn’t even considered that I would be able to bring a ball and chain. I replied to my cousin ASAP and upon being told there was no plus one, he sweetly informed me that I wasn’t to worry. I had six months to find one. I wasn’t aware I HAD to bring one. I’m beginning to wonder, am I perhaps not viewed as a proper adult due to lack of plus one? Is it strange I don’t have one? Am I perhaps slightly immature for not even considering that I should bring a date? Besides, no one batted an eyelid when I didn’t have a date for prom. I was 16 then.
I mentioned this to my Mother, who replied “Well, you’re nearly 25 darling” Is that it then? Is that how my worth is going to be measured; on the basis of whether I have a plus one or not? Would people react the same way if my brother didn’t have a plus one? I’m not sure they would, I have never seen a negative response to his single status. It was always met with comments such as “He’s working hard, aren’t you?” “He’s saving money” “He’s focusing on other things”
For him, his success is measured by the promotions he receives, the new car he bought, or how much he earns. Which isn’t right either, but why is it that if he’s not in a relationship it is not considered the end of the world, where for me, as a woman, peoples main interest in my life is whether or not I have a boyfriend, or why I don’t have children yet like other girls my age. As if my womb is all I have to offer. No one mentions the vast sums of money I raised to fund a voluntary trip to Africa, no one mentions the theatre pieces I wrote exploring women’s rights, or the expensive watch I bought with my first ever pay check. Maybe it’s just the generation gap, but oh how I would love for my success as an adult woman to be measured by my personal achievements, not by whether I have a male counterpart.
I guess until then I’ll be on the kids table. That’s fine by me. I won’t have to share the table’s bottle of champers that way.

Perhaps I can impress the fam with the fact I know the single ladies dance of by heart?

Perhaps I can impress the fam with the fact I know the single ladies dance of by heart?

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An Alternative to Valentines

 

valentines

So there seems to be three camps when it comes to Valentine’s Day:

Loved up and celebrating

Single and bitter

Taking full advantage of all the wine and chocolates on offer.

If you’re lucky enough to have someone to celebrate with that’s great, but if you don’t, or for whatever reason your other half isn’t able to share the day with you, what is one to do? I’ve compiled some of my best tried and tested alternative ways to spend this wonderful, consumer driven day.

Clubbing
One of my best V days was spent in a gay bar with two of my bestest girl friends. We danced to cheesy pop and no one wanted to try and get in our pants because as in real life we didn’t appeal to the clientele. For once in our life we found guys who loved Britney just as much as we did. It generally was a happy, non threatening atmosphere.

An Anti Valentines Dinner
Yes. My best girl friends and I had an anti valentines dinner. We booked our table, got rather merry before arrival and spent the entirety of the meal causing a bit of a ruckus by doing various things such as sucking the helium out of balloons and singing stupid songs. This is extremely immature and fun.

Girly sleepover
Do take advantage of all the chocolate and wine on offer, get the girls round for a pamper session and some karaoke, songs such as RESPECT and I Will Survive should deffo be sung at least three times!

So don’t let the loved up couples have all the fun! Get your fellow single friends round I’m sure you love them too!

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10 Reasons Why… Finding a Boyf Isn’t One of My 2014 Resolutions

It’s the New Year and so all of a sudden the media is flooded with the following: Get Fit DVDs, Summer Holiday deals and Dating Sites. I’ve had this New Year resolution before
“find myself a nice young man”

I have never been successful. So my 10 reasons why finding a man isn’t a priority for 2014….

1.       Like I said, I have never quite been successful on this one before and I just don’t like feeling like I have failed.
2.       Extending on number 1 I refused to deem myself a failed woman just because I don’t have a hunky man friend.
3.       I’m picky. I very rarely come across a man I want to romance. I just don’t think I could lower my standards in order to tick a box.
4.       If love happens when you least expect it, perhaps I should stop expecting to find it.
5.       I already have a massive list of things I need to work on. I don’t wanna make that list any longer.
6.       I’m honestly not quite sure what I’m looking for.
7.       There is a drought in my area. A serious drought. If I was to find someone in my town you could guarantee they will definitely be someone’s hand me downs. No thank you.
8.      I’m currently doing operation “Move Away” this means getting as far away as possible from this town. It wouldn’t be fair to expect someone to move to because I wouldn’t stay.
9.    Sometimes I like spontaneous happenings
10.  2014 is MY year.

   

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Why Don’t You Have a Boyfriend?

no boyf

A question I’m asked quite a bit. This seems to be something that bugs my Mother more than it bugs me. I don’t have a boyfriend, so according to her I don’t have a life. This is offensive in many ways:
a) I do have a life
b) It suggests that my success is only measured by how attractive a man finds me.

Whatever happened to measuring my worth by what I have personally achieved, and how I treat the people already present in my life?  What about my talents? Or whether I’ve taken part in voluntary work in one of the world’s poorest countries? Is all that really cancelled out simply because I’m a lone ranger?

Attached people, do I ask you WHY you’re in a relationship? Do I look at you like you’re a leper when you tell me how long you’ve been together? Do I ever assure you that one day you’ll be single again? No.

 People have many reasons for not being in a relationship. To judge them on it is somewhat insensitive.

It’s really lovely that you have a partner. Maybe one day I’ll have the same, but for now I’m working on loving myself,  building my life and being the best person I can be, because ultimately that’s what life is about, yes?

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10 Reasons Why Being Single at Christmas Isn’t THAT Bad…

christmas singleAhh the Christmas season; an absolutely dreadful time to be single. No one to buy you presents, decorate the tree with, or snuggle up by the fire with. You may aswell just go to sleep and wake up when it’s all finished. Or not. So I give you: My 10 Reasons Why it’s Actually Not THAT Bad to be Single at Christmas Time:

1.       Christmas is increasingly becoming a competition to see whose other half got them the most expensive, romantic gifts. It’s not even about the gifts. It’s about the food. And the baby Jesus of course. I’d quite happily avoid being part of the “my boyfriends better than yours harem”
2.       The money you’ll save on presents will go towards a fabulous party dress.
3.       You can kiss whoever you want at these fabulous parties.
4.       You won’t have to have the “your place or mine” discussion over where to spend Christmas Day. Someone’s Mum always gets the hump over that one.
5.       All the Christmas cheese, chocolate and wine. It’s mine. All mine. No one elses’.
6.       I know a lot of blokes who find themselves “winter girlfriends”.  I cannot think of anything worse than a man who uses me as his personal foot-warming tool. DO NOT TOUCH ME WITH YOUR COLD FEET.
7.         You don’t have to worry about getting fat from all the glorious food; because no one is gonna see you naked
8.       The absence of a sarcastic narrator throughout all Christmas soaps/talent shows/reality TV Christmas specials, is quite frankly, bliss.
9.       There is no one to protest the theme of the tree- which in my case is ALL THE COLOURS and tacky, Santa shaped baubles.
10.   You can live in your Christmas jumper. My Rudolph jumper will be staying on all day, everyday for the whole of December.

So there,  I actually quite enjoy being single at Christmas. Yes, it is the season to spend with loved ones, but whose to dictate who those loved ones are. My girlfriends keep me merry throughout the season. And the year!

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10 Reasons Why I’d Rather Have a Dog than a Boyfriend…

So quite recently I gave you all 10 reasons why I’d rather have a cat, despite the fact I am actually more of a dog person, so this week I’m going to give you 10 reasons why a man’s best friend can also be a women’s…

1.       They’re easier to house train.
2.       Dogs are a lot better at picking up on your emotions.
3.       Dogs will eat whatever you give them. I once cooked a lovely home cooked meal from scratch for my then bf. He moaned because he wanted Dominoes pizza, looking back on it I wish I had thrown said cooked meal at him. Ungrateful toad.
4.       Dogs will happily express affection in public. The boyfriend above also would refuse to hold my hand in public. Arsehole.
5.       Dogs are happy with just a belly rub. Ever tried rubbing a guys belly and then rolling over to sleep. Not gonna happen.
6.       The dog is always happy to see you and will let you know it.
7.       Having a kick about with your dog in the park is a lot less scary than having a kick about with any testosterone driven male.
8.       The only bad thing a dog is likely to give you are fleas…
9.       Dogs will protect you, a recent survey showed that men would happily let their better halves go downstairs in the middle of the night to investigate a strange noise
10.   Your dog won’t stray because you can put him on a leash; only certain types of men will agree to wear a leash.  I’m not sure I would want to date these types of men anyway.

Men will never do the puppy dog eyes as well as puppies.

Men will never do the puppy dog eyes as well as puppies.

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