Gone are the days of simple technology. In the year of 2013 I find myself signed up to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Google+, Pintrest, LinkedIn, Foursquare; I also have various email accounts- both personal and professional. The only problem is that my exes do too. This day and age means that I am technologically easy. A social media whore.
Now when I break up with someone, I don’t just break up with them once, but over and over again until all knowledge of the relationship no longer exists on my social media sites.
Not to mention the overuse of the exes name in the search bar every day after said break up. By the way- the status update and search bar are dangerously close to each other, Mr Zuckerburg.
The problem lies here. Back in the day (not that I remember a life without cyber stalking) if you were to break up with someone, the only contact you would have afterwards would be telephone.
Social Media has now become the ultimate stalking tool. I know everything about my Facebook friends- their favourite films, where they’re going on a Saturday night, what they think of Riri’s new music video, the political party they vote for and whether they agree with the latest xenophobic article published by The Daily Mail. THIS IS THE VERY PROBLEM. We share everything with hundreds of strangers’ everyday- some of whom we only met once, when we were drunk… and dressed as a crayon for Halloween. So if you happen to be friends with your exes mum’s dog, this means that you will still know exactly what your ex is up to. This sucks.
My Facebook boasts roughly 590 “friends”. Do I have this many people that I regularly hang out with? No I do not.
Delete the hangers on
I have promised myself I am going to have a Facebook clearout. A good place to start are people who use their page as a political platform (and these people often have no idea what they’re talking about) shortly followed by people whose statuses I cannot understand due to poor sentence structure, and not forgetting those annoying people who are convinced that if I don’t share the picture a troll will eat me in my sleep. Don’t forget to delete the ex. Or the exes dickhead of a best friend, who you weren’t allowed to call a dickhead when you were still together cos, ya’know, it was his best friend.
Do you really need to state you’re in a relationship on your profile?
Making a relationship Facebook official means there may come a day when you’ll need to make the break up Facebook official. Cue hundreds of people you haven’t spoken to asking “if you’re OK hun?” Do they really care? Probably not, but people are nosey and your break up is going to make good pub gossip. The last time I found myself changing my status back to “single” I saw it receive over 20 likes from boys on my friends list I barely knew:
1. I did not like this and I did not appreciate that other people liked it.
2. I’m pretty sure the other person didn’t like it either, in fact I know they didn’t because we had an argument about my new male admirers.
The couple photos
I’m not talking about the ones of you on holiday or just general ones of you together. I’m talking about the ones of you kissing or the ones of you in bed together. We get it. You had sex.
Now I’m not telling you not to shout your love from the rooftops, and a few statuses and pictures are less permanent than a tattoo, but when it comes to sharing, sometimes it’s best not to.