- Cats don’t fart or burp. Will maybe they do, but I’ve never witnessed (or smelt) it.
- Cats don’t answer back. Sometimes you really don’t need that sarcastic comment over your new pair of nude coloured shoes (to add to your other 27 pairs.
- You don’t have to share your treats with your cat; chocolate, cheese, wine.. it’s not good for them.
- Cats don’t know when their birthday is; that means more money going into my Louboutin shoe fund.
- Cats will catch the bugs. I am noticing an increasing amount of men who are scared of spiders. Seriously?! If you’re not gonna get the bugs out of the bath tub my pussy and I don’t want you in our lives.
- Cats don’t make stupid comments throughout your favourite TV shows. I JUST WANT TO WATCH BACK TO BACK EPISODES OF “DON’T TELL THE BRIDE” IN PEACE. I don’t want to hear another lecture form YOU telling me how “weddings are a waste of money”. They’re not; you’re just a commitment-phobe with a tight wallet.
- Cats are happy to just listen to your problems; sometimes I just want to have a moan about something. I don’t want you to try and solve the problem. I just want you to listen.
- My house is a football free zone because my cat thinks it’s stupid too.
- Cats won’t steal your expensive moisturiser.
- Your cat won’t leave the toilet seat up. The bathroom is all yours!
So as much as I dread dying alone, surrounded by cats, I sometimes think that maybe the cat ladies are onto something.