So in 2010 I thought I had met the love of my life. I won’t lie, I fell hook, line and sinker for such lines as “I’d love to take you to Paris one day” and “My Mum would love you” It was all lovely, until one day he delivered the line “I just don’t want the same thing” followed by “My work comes first right now” blah fucking blah. I cried. I got drunk. I drunk text, and generally tried to act like I didn’t give a shit, but I did. That boy shattered my heart into a million pieces. I can honestly say I had never felt that feeling I felt in my stomach the day he delivered that fatal blow. We tried to stay friends. Word of warning- staying friends with an ex does not work. He will text you every so often, asking to meet up for a chat, you will have sex with him, and then he will apologise the next day (it won’t be sincere) for leading you on. I learned the hard way that boys don’t consider their victims feelings when they feel horny. I sound bitter. I promise I’m not.
Fast forward 3 years later and it’s 2013, and I’m still alone. Well not really. I’ve done a lot since then. I’ve… I digress.
To be perfectly honest, the ex and I tried to stay friends, but after countless arguments about nothing much in particular we eventually stopped talking. His new girlfriend told him he wasn’t allowed to talk to me; after she had snooped on his phone and discovered a text he had sent me where he had claimed he’d had a dream about me. Nice one. I wasn’t aware of said girlfriend until that incident. It’s safe to say I’d had enough by then. I let her have him. I think she wised up after a while because he did send me one final text to tell me she had left the country.
Late September 2013 and he’s decided he needs to travel. Australia to be precise. In order to “find himself” A friend of mine did point out that if someone needs to go to the other side of the world in order to find themselves, they are obviously not worth finding. He also got a shit tattoo. The joys of social media mean that 1) when your ex buys his new lady Tiffany and takes her away for the weekend (something he NEVER did for you, in fact when you suggested a weekend away it was met with “WHY ARE YOU SO DEMANDING, YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKING SO MUCH OFF ME”)-I only asked if we could go halves on a cheap getaway- Jeezzzzz!!! And 2) You can laugh at unfortunate pictures. Don’t pretend you don’t do it. You’ve all looked at pictures of your ex and thought “WHYYYY” I’m sure he’s done the same to me. He did once say I wasn’t on the same level as the girls in magazines. I don’t think he’d worked out that was probably why I was with him.
And so I have decided. Enough. Enough of this negative energy. Use it for something constructive. Find someone nice. That body clock is ticking and I do actually want children one day… I think.
Now I know love comes when you’re least expecting it, but sitting there waiting for things to happen isn’t exactly fun, is it? So whilst I am waiting for Mr Right, I figured I could have a pretty fun time with Mr. Short, Mr. Tight and Mr. Know It All.
Now you can either laugh with me, or at me, but it’s pretty much all the same. Yes?
So here they are. My memoirs of a singleton… Enjoy!